ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
