i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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