I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
