cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i out mim tonsoeep
I love you.
Bad choice
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
