dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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