I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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