I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
