i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
