Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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