but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
