Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
