True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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