After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
