This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
