Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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