and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
