Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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