she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
