but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
