We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
