I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize