I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
