Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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