My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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