So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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