So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and she was petting her beer can
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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