The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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