my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
