Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
