i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
