This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
