Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
