I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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