You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
