No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
