Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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