I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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