I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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