i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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