You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
