we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
