i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
