Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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