he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
