i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
