no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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