were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize