the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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