New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
