Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
fuck your aforementioned shoe
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
