Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
