i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
