Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
