drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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