I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
