If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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