You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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