Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize