Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
