she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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