Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
